


The American Dream

by thememelord



Category: Age of Ultron - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, stop me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 22:15:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3953734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thememelord/pseuds/thememelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the face of every great triumph is darkness. Darkness that tends to seep into everything we know, everything we do. The darkness tends to manifest in different ways. A lost loved one, a lack of purpose, but sometimes its something more. Sometimes its Captain America's sucking someones huge ass dick in the middle of your movie watching marathon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The American Dream

Do not watch Avengers Age of Ultron. Sure, it’s a decent movie with decent characters and cast, but there’s a dark side to such a fun and family friendly movie. But there is a dark side to the movie, and I and my friends found that out the hard way. Always see the movie in large groups of people, and don’t see it in groups of 3-4. It causes something too horrifying for most regular humans to imagine.   
All names have been changed due to copyright issues. Our friend Moffat ran a local bootlegged movie theater, where he took the latest movies and illegally downloaded them in a shitty jpeg format, taking around 5 dollars for every showing. Normally, this short of junk would normally be available to be viewed on any computer with an internet connection and no fear of virus’s, but me and my friend’s situation was special.   
Alejandra’s computer had just recently got fucked up due to capitalism, and Borb just messed up his computer looking at furries or whatever he’s into. And me? Well I actually gave two shits about my computer, and didn’t have the 13+ dollars necessary to see the new avenger’s movie at the local movie theater.   
“So guys, are you fucking pumped or what!” I said excitedly as I sat down, holding the gluten free popcorn Moffat’s mom made the three of us in clenched hands. Alejandra shrugged, seemingly indifferent to the movie. Borb was making a female furry on his phone. “Dude with that shirt you’d be able to see her pubes!” Alejandra muttered angrily at her brothers furry habits. But I didn’t care. I loved every Marvel movie and had been waiting for what felt like decades to watch this movie. Moffat slowly turned the lights down low, and the homade screen in front of us lit up with age of ultron.   
As the movie progressed, even Borb was completely engrossed in the movie, but mainly Chris Evans ass. But then everything went wrong. As the psychic bitch forced Steve to reveal his worse fear, instead, she reached her hand out towards the camera. A creepy red light leaked out of the screen, and I felt my blood beginning to go cold.   
Almost immeadiatly, the quality of the movie got somehow even worse. The grainy film was completely in black and white, and captain America was sucking a huge ass dong. Excuse my language, but it was a pretty giant fucking dick. The shot was from the belly of whoever the lucky person was, Steve looking up at the camera. The grainy quality of the film prevented me from really telling whose penis this was. It could be Buckie’s, it could be Sam, and it could be Tony’s, hell it could even be mine. And it was terrifying.   
Alejandra immeadiatly ran out of the cellar, screaming “NOPE FUCK THAT NOPENOPENOPENOPENONONONNONONOONONO MOTHER” Borbs jaw was dropped in horror and fascination, and I took the moment to grab his camera from his satchel. Smirking slightly, I began to video record the sight. It continued on for around ten minutes before a triumphant yell came from the back of the room. Alejandra was holding a baseball bat and the wrecked remains of Moffatt’s projector. I pocketed the camera as we ran, Borb still in a daze and Alejandra crying. Moffat was an asshole anyways, he tried to steal my girl.   
The next few minutes passed me by quickly as we sprinted for my friend’s house. Collapsing on their porch, we all stared at each other in horror at what we had just seen. Captain America giving head was not, and never will be on my list of things I wanted to see before I died. “What the hell guys?!” I exclaimed as I slowly began uploading the video onto Borbs already virus fucked computer. Belgarith needed to see this.   
Alejandra was shaking a bit in the corner, and exclaimed “No way in hell was that legit. I googled Age of Ultron Captain America sucks huge dong and nothing came up. This is bullshit.” I and Borb snickered as Alejandra continued “That wasn’t supposed to be in a movie, and Moffat isn’t answering his texts. Something messed up is going on here! This is supernatural dong sucking!” She slammed her laptop shut as she began to pace the room. Borb was eating some bananas. Stalking over, Alejandra reached over and smacked it out of his hands. “Seriously dude?? Eating after what we saw what the fuck?”  
Borb simply smiled and continued eating. “I’m always in a Phallic Food mood, you know me” groaning, Alejandra clearly was fucking pissed.   
“Done!” I said happily as she prepared to fight her brother readying her fist. They both turned to me curiously. “I figured Belgarith might wanna see this ya know? Whenever I see something fucked up I send it to the bae!” Alejandra glared at me scandalized and Borb shrugged. “Cmon guys, that was CLEARLY Chris Evans. Now, I wouldn’t sell it as a sex tape because I’m not that shitty, but damn how many people can say they’ve seen that! Hell it might even be from an alternate reality!” I confidently sent my wife the movie over skype, before the two could stop me. I honestly wish the two had.   
As I clicked the video to watch it again, Borbs computer turned black, and words started to race across the screen. “In 10 days he comes. In ten days for each of the damned, eyes burned bright with the images of the taint they never should have seen. 10 days till the eagle takes its prey and the sins of tomorrow become the sins of today. 10 days for the three. 10 seconds for the provider. 10 minutes for the victim. And 10 days for the receiver. In 10 days he comes.” The screen turned black as the computer shut down. We stared at each other in shock and horror until Alejandra’s phone rang.   
Her face turned white as she read the message. Moffat was found passed out in his basement, the words Captain Cockmerica carved onto his shoulder, a look of pure bliss on his face. And my wife, Belgariths skype had been deleted.

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the Bae, aka Belgarith in this fic. Yes, even the bae isnt immune to the American dream. Also shout out to the two siblings that I talked to about this at a childrens playground today. Why must we always go to playgrounds. Suck my ass capitalism. I am realyl fucking ttired. Expect more chapters sooN.


End file.
